Am I the King? Forgiveness and Responsible Vulnerability Found in Matthew 18

“Am I the King?: Forgiveness and Responsible Vulnerability found in Matthew 18”

Good Shepherd Lutheran Church (North Quincy, Massachusetts)

Year A, Fifteenth Sunday after Pentecost, Matthew 18:21-35

Sam Melton, MDiv ‘19

For those who see me often, you probably know that one of my favorite things to do is to listen to Podcasts. I’m constantly listening to them and I seem to have one for just about anything. Now, if you aren’t familiar with Podcasts or, as a verb, Podcasting, have no fear. Essentially, Podcasts can be accessed through your phone, just like you would access your songs or iTunes and they can be about literally anything. There are millions of Podcasts out there covering topics from learning astrophysics and history, to discussing in-depth Harry Potter and the Gilmore Girls, to simply news and politics, there’s even a Podcast titled the Purrrcast in which its only goal is to discuss cats...for three hours. Those that are friends with me, have probably fallen victim to my retelling of podcast stories over and over again and that doesn’t seem likely to stop this morning, especially as I plan to share one with you today too.

One of my favorite Podcasts, Beautiful-Anonymous features a comedian, Chris Gethard, who essentially has a phone line open in which anybody can call in and talk to him for up to one hour. The catch is that Chris, the host, can’t hang up at any point during this hour, regardless of wherever the call may go. So, as you can imagine, when you talk to anonymous and random strangers for an hour, not only do you encounter a diverse group of people, but it almost seems as though the conversation can simply run wild. A recent caller described why she liked this Podcast so much and I would share in her sentiment. She said that she loves that people call in willing to talk to a stranger for an hour, making themselves so vulnerable to a man they have never met through a simple phone conversation. What I add to her statement in my love for this show and its growing community is also the ability for the caller to decide what degree of vulnerability and openness in sharing their stories and information they are most comfortable with, with no pressure to overshare from the host. For me, the value of this show isn’t necessarily found in the story, but instead in the vulnerability that people are willing to share, opening up an opportunity for growth for the community of listeners and yet, this same caller that declared her love for vulnerability in the show, suddenly found herself on this same show, but struggling to be as open and vulnerable as the other callers she had come to know. She seems to appreciate others vulnerability, but was somewhat unwilling or unable to possess that same vulnerability in herself. I too, can relate to her.

I wonder if we see the familiarity in her story, as the caller struggles to have the willingness to share and open up about herself and her background, to share the things that have shaped her life, or have played an important role in her story? She seems to knowingly respect others ability to be vulnerable, but when she finds herself in the hot-seat, realizes that perhaps that is much harder than she had ever envisioned. I wonder if you can relate to this as well? Today, we hear a story from the Gospel that mirrors this very experience. Though on the surface we hear a story that speaks of forgiveness, I believe that if we are willing to dig a bit deeper, we may find that this is much more a story to do with the power of forgiveness of the people being told through the servant’s failure to recognize the empowering nature of the very grace that his King has already been granted to him. Even more, I find myself relating to the wrongdoings of the King, a character's position that we often forget to also evaluate in this story.

Early in this story I find myself congratulating the King for his ability to forgive such a large sum of money from his servant, something like nearly 2 billion dollars in today’s terms. What a huge act of mercy for this king! But it seems that the King’s forgiveness only extends so far, when he finds that this same servant who experienced the bounds of his mercy, he seems unable to extend that same mercy to others. The failure of this servant to extend that same forgiveness, is embarrassing and insulting to that very King by demonstrating a lack of respect for the grace that was offered to him and results in him violently taking back his forgiveness.

Often times, when we are reading this parable we have a tendency to hear a sort of the story told in which in which the King is representative of God and the servant is representative of us. Perhaps, like me, you recall this story from Sunday school, being told as a story about the relationship of God to the people. But, this is a dangerous interpretation because this was never a story about the power of God over us, but it is instead a story about the relationship between people. It is simply an ongoing description of the community of Christ that we have been hearing about throughout the summer in Matthew. When we first read this passage, it feels uncomfortable, violent, and messy. It feels uncomfortable because if read this as a story in which the King represents God, we are left asking, but how can God take back forgiveness from us? We know a God of boundless love, grace, mercy, and forgiveness, so why would we read this as a story in which the King is God? In the beginning of this story Peter asks Jesus about forgiveness among the people of the church and Jesus replies that we should “forgive not seven times, but seventy seven times.” This dialogue between Peter and Jesus is what sets this story up to be about the relationship of forgiveness among the people and not a story in which God is the king and has the ability to take back her forgiveness. This is a people centered, church centered, community centered, story of forgiveness.

And once we come to read this story as a community centered story, I immediately begin asking, but how can I possibly forgive someone once, let alone seventy seven times? Forgiveness in our own communities is not only valuable and necessary, but it is also really, really hard. How can we be forgiving of one another, yet still protect ourselves and keep ourselves safe? When is it okay to forgive, but not to re-engage with the other party? And how do we even begin this process of forgiveness? These are big questions that our story from today doesn’t necessarily help us out with a whole lot. Yet, this is also where we begin to find that forgiveness is not only really difficult, but especially difficult when it hurts us.

Last week, we heard from Pastor Alissa as she encouraged us to consider who we want to be as a community, what it is we value, and how we want to grow together in relation to the Gospel. This week, as we welcome new members, we hear in Jesus’ answer to Peter that he envisions a community of unrelenting forgiveness. I too, share in this ideal, but also recognize that this is often really, really, hard to do.

As I consider these words, I begin to ask but, how do I forgive those who have said hurtful, perhaps even racist, homophobic, transphobic or dismissive things to myself or those around me? How do I begin to forgive those who have maybe failed to meet my expectations or those who don’t even know they are in need of my forgiveness? Perhaps you are asking even deeper questions: How do I forgive my mom for the hurtful ways she has insulted me, my child for their hurtful actions, or how do I begin to dissect a long and spiraling relationship of hurt with my spouse? These are tough questions that I believe most of us can relate to. As I struggle to forgive others, I also find myself asking, but what is forgiveness and how do I even do it?

Though a somewhat basic question, it doesn’t seem to have an easy answer for me. I find that I have an easier time understanding what forgiveness is not. That is, I can read this story about the king and his servant and know that forgiveness is not the absence of emotion. The King is clearly angry at the servant, though he originally still finds a way to forgive his debts. I know that it isn’t the absence of justice as the King expected the servant to extend his signs of mercy to others. And I know that I must not mistake indifference for forgiveness. That is, the debt of the servant was not simply ignored or swept under the rug, but was made public and vulnerable.

Moreso, I find that in order to even ask these questions, I have be vulnerable with myself too. Perhaps we discover in being honest with ourselves, that we have to face those deeper parts of us we have pushed down and maybe realize that it isn’t always the other person’s fault, that maybe my boss is right and I have been underperforming at work lately, or I really have been hypercritical of my spouse lately. Perhaps the beginning stages of forgiveness begins with this sort of self-vulnerability, the ability to look inward to ourselves, to evaluate our own motivations and wrongdoings, and this will lead us to begin the process of forgiveness and reconciliation.

This is hard work, something we can spend lifetimes working to do well, yet we find that when we open up to ourselves, we are more available and more responsibly vulnerable with those around us. This comes as a gift to the communities that we find ourselves in and just like the caller from the podcast I shared with you, we also find that even when we know we are in communities of support, it is still really hard and can even be a bit messy.

The good news is that we are already in a community that is working hard to figure these questions out. We are in a community that works to ensure that everyone is welcome and is trying to make sure that every voice is heard. Though there are many things that I love about this place, one thing that drew me here and kept me here is that Good Shepherd takes their coffee hour seriously. And I mean that, you really do...but in all seriousness I see us wrestling with these questions of vulnerability and forgiveness outside of this sanctuary, either at coffee hour, at lunch, or in each other’s homes. The conversations and love that I experience at coffee hour is what made me fall in love with you and as I begin to settle in as a new member of this community, I see us wrestling with these very questions and I hope that throughout the year we continue to encounter and figure out these hard questions together. I am looking forward to doing this with all of you, figuring it all out with you, and learning from you.

Amen.